It's Him, My God, My All..

Sometimes when we hope for good things to happen, we are disappointed. We are mere human..everything have been decided by Him. Who's for me, my Everything. i'm hot-tempered but i guess everyone else didn't know that. I can't actually bare any small test from Him. Sometimes I ask myself why. I know the reason. Im just finding excuses for myself, to please my emotion. IM WEAK.

Sometimes I'm mad at Him. I know that's wrong. Because He is my God, my only God..who decided everything. Because I believe everything that happened come from Him. Knowing that, I blame Him sometime. I believe HIm with all my heart. That will never change forever. Unless He change me. I always pray that I won't. Cause I love Him.

But I guess it's natural for someone like me, to blame everything instead of myself. Sometimes I can be strong though I cry in my heart like I do right now. I just hope the best from Him. When it want, I feel like crying. Forgive me my God. I wish I were stronger. Im doing my best, help me. Help me to be a good-believer. I dont want to go astray , away from safe track.

I know everything that happened today were tests from you. It's hard. Crying to you sooth me down. Though some people think that crying is lame...I dun care. I ll do on my own way. Cause I believe you my God, that I' ll get rewards from every tests i've gone through.



There is time when I failed.
My God,
U created me..
U r my only one God since ever,
And I won't blame you what kind of human i'm know..
It's big..
There's time when i'm disappointed in you..
But still I tried to grip my faith I have in you..
U are the truth..

Those eyes, those glares, those voices of evil scares me. Why? Why it has to be me? Why they keep doing that even i tried so hard. It's not easy. What else suppose I do?

Why those people can hate me that easy. I didn't do anything that could hurt them. Are they insane? Are they just evil? YYYYY??

I keep asking through my whole life. Since I was born, I always think about others. I always take care of their feeling that i look like a weirdo. I want to be humble. I don't want to be hated, I want to be part of them..like everyone else. But the fact, I failed..cause I scared, cause i respect them.

I've gone through a rough life..my soul bruised do much. Suddenly when my life have changed..I found my friend..God helped me. I didn't forget that this is His gifts to me.

I didn't forget..
When I saw someone like me,
I pity Him so much,
I pray that good changes happen in his/her life..
I pity him,
For being like me,
It must be so hard ..to be like me..
It must be so hard living in different world..
It must be hard to be isolated from real world..

Good things, even bad one is God doing. I know. God tests me though I'm always grateful to him.
Even I never forget him.

I cant fall sick easily. Because Im always grateful to Him that I'm healthy. I always remember how painful it is to be sick. Thank you God.

But i'm sick INSIDE. Those voices, y i keep hearing them. Y do i always know when people saying bad things bout me..always. N y do i always understand those voices. It's x advantages..that's sickness.

I used to be happy when I'm suffered. Cause I think someone like me deserves that. Because bad things keep coming after good thing. So i thought, y dun it all be bad. But now I change, I want to be happy. Considering too much is wrong. I have to think for myself.

I have to be happy. I dun care. When Im happy, everyone will be pleased n happy too. I like to live free as I am. N i dun care. It's just that sometime I fail, but i will get up hard though i fell many times.



God,
forgive me because I cry..